Callahan Thoughts

There are a number of outstanding candidates for the Callahan Award this year, and I have many, many positive things to say about Lien, Reebs, Diddy, Claudia, Annie, Thud, Michela, Bailey, and others.  They are all great players deserving of their nominations and the many votes they are certain to get.  I could write pages and pages about these ladies and all of the amazing things I have seen them do on and off the field-- I am so grateful for the opportunity to have gotten to know each of them over the past few seasons.

I wanted to write some thoughts about three players on this year's list of Callahan nominees whom I have gotten to know in a special capacity-- one as a collaborator and two as teammates.  My intention is not to endorse players because I think there many outstanding candidates, many of whom I simply don't know as well.  Instead, I want to express my gratitude to these three players for the positive impact they have had on my ultimate experience.

Kayla Ramirez (Texas)
I still remember the first time I saw Kayla play in Fall 2010.  I was helping at Texas tryouts and my job was to throw floaty hucks to rookies in a drill.  Kayla had absolutely no idea how to read the disc, but she was so fast and athletic that she could run in circles around the disc (and other players) and somehow still come down with the frisbee.  It was a no brainer to put her on the team and it was pretty evident to all of us that she was going to be a special player.  It has been a privilege to watch Kayla develop as a player and leader over the past three seasons.  One of her Showdown teammates called her the best short deep she has ever played with.  Not many players can be a contributing player on a semifinals level club team after only 2 seasons of college experience.  

Off the field, Kayla's contributions to Centex have encouraged me greatly-- she has a "whatever needs to be done" attitude and leads the team by example with her commitment to running a quality event for the entire college women's ultimate community.  I am sad that I have never had the opportunity to play with Kayla, but grateful for the fact that it feels like we've been teammates.  She has been an outstanding collaborator, and I am thrilled to see her as Melee's Callahan nominee this year.

Amanda Good (Colorado)
Amanda is one of two current college players with whom I have been teammates, and I am thankful for the year I spent playing with Amanda.  Our friendship began when Amanda gifted me a dead bird (she's done so twice), and there is no other college player who keeps me on my toes as much as Amanda does.  When she's not making me freak out about dead animals, Amanda is a great friend.  She took me under her wing in Colorado and went out of her way to make me feel at home with the team.  

Amanda's highlight reel playmaking ability makes her a fun person to play with, but one of the things I appreciate most about Amanda is her enthusiasm for life.  "What a dream!" is Amanda's standard reaction to most things that happen, and that is because of the way she approaches life-- she makes her dreams a reality.  I've spent hours watching ultimate footage with Amanda and discussing strategy with her, and her love for the game far exceeds obsession.  That's what makes her a great player and person.  Her whole heart is in it.

Claire Chastain (UNCW)
Claire is the other current college player with whom I have been teammates, and our trajectory to friendship has been unlikely.  In Fall 2010, Claire reached out to ask me to help with Easterns.  I politely declined, but got talked into Skyping with Claire to hear her out.  The conversation was brutally honest and I told Claire my reservations about working with Wilmington, a team who was not known as a spirited team at the time.  Claire respectfully listened to what I had to say and asked me to give them a chance.

At first, I was discouraged by my relationship with Wilmington-- Claire would "joke" about unspirited behavior and I feared that I was wasting my time with them.  At QCTU that spring, Claire got a layout D on someone and the player called a foul.  (In my opinion, it could have gone either way.)  Claire's first reaction was a look that said "no way."  Then she picked herself up off the ground slowly, looked over to the sideline and looked me in the eye, turned back, and said, "no contest."  My respect for Claire has only increased since that moment.  I persuaded Wilmington to get a team Twitter, implored them to build relationships with other teams, and pushed the team to pay their debts and take care of administrative tasks.  I asked a lot of Claire, and she far exceeded my expectations at every turn.

During the 2011 club season, my team was playing Phoenix at Labor Day and I had the unfortunate task of trying to guard Claire.  That was one of my favorite games that season because as an opponent, Claire is one of those players who makes you play your best game-- there isn't a moment to relax or focus on anything else but the battle at hand.  Six months later, when I was deciding where to move, I chose North Carolina.  Claire was one of several people I knew I wanted to be teammates with.  As a teammate, Claire is beyond impressive.  She was a rock on our O line and her vision of the field and knowledge of the game are far beyond what I have seen from even the best college players.  Getting to play with her last season allowed me to fully appreciate how much she has matured.  I saw top level club players playing physical defense on her and trying to push her buttons.  Not once did I see Claire so much as react to these players.  Claire played fairly and with great spirit, and dominated nearly every single one of her matchups.

Though I am years older than Claire, she is someone I have consulted for ultimate and life advice on numerous occasions.  In many ways, she's the reckless little sister I never had, but when it counts, she's a loyal, smart, and thoughtful teammate, friend, and person.


Best of luck to all of the candidates, and congratulations on being nominated by your teammates for an award that recognizes players "who combine superior athleticism with outstanding sportsmanship, leadership and dedication to the sport of ultimate."  The nomination itself is a huge honor.  Thank you for representing our sport so well.

Season Recap

It feels nearly impossible to recap the whirlwind that has been the past few months, but I think reflection is a huge part of learning and growing, and I want to try to capture some of what I have been reflecting on with all of you.

On many levels, this was a great season.  My partner teams were excellent, the teams attending my events were overall very well behaved and respectful, and the relationships (both old and new) that I built with players this season were extremely rewarding.

This was my 5th (official) year of partnership with Texas (only counting the years after I graduated), my 5th year of partnership with Wash U, and my 3rd year of partnership with UNC.  These teams are all incredibly special to me, and I am grateful for their loyalty, their leadership's vision for their events, and the way that they embrace their responsibility as leaders in the college women's division.  Plain and simple, I love these kids and would do anything for them.  Thank you.

This season was the first where I did not overlap with any current players in college ultimate, and I thought that I would feel very out of touch with teams.  While an age gap is clearly beginning to emerge (What is Snapchat?  What does "ratchet" mean?), I am deeply appreciative of all of the teams who allowed me to be part of their journey this year.  Thank you to all of the players who shared their struggles, worries, dreams, and victories with me.  The hours spent talking strategy, building season plans, working out team issues, and discussing challenging life situations reminded me that organizing events is only a tiny part of what I do, and that the most important and meaningful work is what happens long after games are over for the day.

Real Talk
For the past few weeks, I have been feeling like I am suffering from a stress induced concussion.  It's the result of an entire season of bad weather and bad luck, an introvert being stretched thin for 2.5 months, and perhaps a few too many challenging situations being thrown my way.  The past few seasons have been challenging, but this one in particular took quite a  toll and will necessitate a bit of self-reflection.

And perhaps most importantly, the time spent on the road away from family, friends, and teammates who I love, and who deserve my time and energy, is very difficult.  I want to be my best self-- and that self includes being a daughter, sister, teammate, captain, and friend, not just an organizer.

Season Take-Aways
A few life reminders that I'll be taking away from the season.

Be available.
There is always time to listen, talk, or lend a helping hand.  The times when I (think I) made the biggest difference were during the busiest, most stressful stretches.  Those situations, while not the most convenient, were huge opportunities.

Be kind.
On Saturday of Centex, a tough situation arose after a week of challenges and Brittany, a RecSports Supervisor (who happens to be teammates with one of the Melee girls on the UT Club Soccer team), was a huge blessing to me.  Filling water with her that afternoon and having the opportunity to talk with her reminded me that a little kindness when we are "just doing our job" can make a big difference, even to a stranger.

Be excellent(...)
I can be be amazing at putting out cones and providing ample water, but at the end of the day, being excellent at what I do only matters because it is a means to an end.  I don't want to be excellent just for the sake of being excellent.  Being excellent is my way of showing players and teams my investment in them, and that opens the door for building community, cultivating meaningful relationships, and making a difference in people's lives.  And because of that, I will gladly give my all toward being excellent at putting out cones and providing ample water.

As the season winds down, I have been receiving some amazing emails from college players.  I am so appreciative of these emails as they have come from some of the players I respect most in the division.

This short email encapsulates what I hope every player takes away from my work. (It is being shared with permission):

"I appreciate what you have done for women's ultimate and most importantly the mindset you have modeled and encouraged in leaders and players--that we are here to love and serve our teammates and our community and that our teammates are far more important than any competition goals."

Best of luck to those of you who have advanced to the next stage in the Series.  Work hard, love well, and I hope to see many of you soon.

Thank You

"Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." - T.H. Thompson and John Watson

I apologize for the delay in posting this.  I've been struggling with how to express my gratitude to all of you.  "Thank you" hardly seems to be enough...

Shortly after my stuff got stolen at Layouts, a few of my friends enlisted the help of the ultimate community in raising money to replace my stolen belongings and to buy me a bed.  (Yes, it is true that I have not owned a bed in over a year.)  Their goal was to raise $3,000 for me and I was told that they met that goal in < 24 hours.  Wow.  Knowing that I could afford to replace my stolen items made a very stressful situation much more manageable.

I cannot even begin to thank you for the kindness and generosity you all have shown me.  Thank you for alleviating the financial stress of a terrible situation, for reminding me that there are amazing people in the world, and for all of your kind comments and encouraging words.  I don't yet have a full list of everyone who contributed to the fund, but I have been overwhelmed by the list of names I do have.  The list includes current and former teammates, collaborators, friends, opponents, college players I've invested a lot in, newer players on teams I've been on, co-workers, people in my home ultimate community, alums of teams who have attended my tournaments for years, college players' parents, customers I've worked with through VC, college players I've never spoken to... the list goes on and on.  I have cried multiple times reading people's comments (and laughed reading the funny ones, and shuddered in fear reading the ones about birds).  It means the world to me to hear from so many of you the impact I have had on your ultimate experiences and on your lives outside of this sport.

A few days after my stuff was stolen, Adriana gave me a pair of headphones (the free kind) and a phone charger.  I was teary eyed because I could listen to music and charge my phone again.  Needless to say, I cannot describe how I felt when Adriana presented me with a BIG (both in size and amount) check and an iPad just a couple of days later.  When you can fit everything you own in your car and you are as nerdy as I am, getting your iPad stolen is crushing.  Having a new iPad handed to me was a tangible reminder that there are good people in the world and that kindness goes a long way.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for rallying around me and helping me so tangibly during this rough patch.  I am grateful to know such amazing people, and I hope that we all continue to pay it forward and take good care of each other.  The world will be a better place because of it.

By The Numbers

Number of...

Solo miles driven: 9,908

Events run: 9 (+ coaching Swarthmore on their spring break trip)

Events impacted by weather: 7
Oil changes: 3

Total teams at spring events (not unique): 245

Clinics organized: 8

Nights sleeping in my car: 2

Nights at home since January: ~5

Other places (hotels or friends' houses) crashed at: 14

Teams that dropped out mid-event: 1

Dead birds received: 0

Pieces of identification stolen (from me): 4

Credit cards stolen (from me): 5
Autographs requested by college players: 1
Trips to Costco: 9

Times my car broke down: 1

Breakfast tacos eaten: 2
Text messages from college players asking about the weather forecast: 1

Trips to the Genius Bar to swap out my iPhone: 2

Portapotties ordered: 18

Mix CDs received: 3

Former co-captains a meal has been shared with: 2
Jars of Nutella purchased: 64
States visited: 14
BIG checks received: 1 (still owe you all a post on this!)
Times I begged my way into buying spray paint without identification: 2
Emails received about future projects in the past 24 hours: 4

Too many to count:

Bags of garbage picked up

Emails received

Emails sent

Hours spent on Score Reporter

People who have told me I'm the unluckiest person they know

Comments received about how crucial brownie bites are to Without Limits events

College players who now know that I don't own a bed

Servings of Diet Coke consumed
Items printed at Kinko's
Tanks of gas filled
Meaningful conversations with college ultimate players
Tears cried (happy and sad)

College players asking me to get Snapchat

Emails from my mom asking if I am alive
People who have pulled me through the past two months

Surround Yourself With Good People

To give some background for this post, my stuff was stolen from a meeting room at the Layouts fields on Saturday.  I've been compiling a list of what was stolen for the police, so I thought it necessary to balance that by compiling a more positive list to share with you all.

Last week, I wrote a post that has a lot of relevance to life outside of ultimate.  It's been an especially challenging week to be my best self, made easier only by this point in my last post.

Surround yourself with good people.

"I am who I am and I strive to be better because of these people."

- Naomi Trang (Texas) for shouldering a large share of the burden for making Centex happen these past few days.  Please find her and thank her this weekend.

- My teammates, co-workers, and friends for keeping the show going at Layouts while I frantically tried to cancel credit cards and file a police report.  I am not sure I would have made it through the weekend without them.

- My co-workers at VC Ultimate, especially my boss Adriana, for taking on most of my workload this week so that I can focus on everything else.  I am blessed to work for a company who believes in what I am doing.

- My teammates and family for supporting me even when my work takes me away from them for weeks and months on end.  You all deserve more of my time and attention, and that is on my immediate list of priorities.

- Emily McAfee (Swarthmore) for spending hours with me Saturday night trying to help me figure out how to begin recovering my identification documents.

- Lien Hoffman (Northwestern) and Rebecca Enders (Wisconsin) for their messages which reduced me to tears.  I am so grateful to have known both of these outstanding players and people since they were freshmen.  Players like the two of you, and teams like yours, make what I do worthwhile.

- Kate Wilson, Angela Lin, and Katherine Wooten (Ozone) for housing me and helping me try to get a same-day passport in Atlanta.  It is humbling to have your regional rivals respond so resoundingly to an email of desperation.  I am grateful for my friendship with the three of you, and with Ozone.

- Rachel Johnson (Phoenix) for finding me a place to stay in Jackson, MS.  Thanks for being relentlessly positive.

- A group of Pleiades players (and Shellie's mom) for taking shifts at my apartment yesterday to make sure someone was there when my replacement credit cards were delivered.  It is embarrassing to have to ask for this kind of help, but I am so grateful for you.

- Ohio State Fever for all of their help in trying to make next week easier for me.  It has been such a privilege to see y'alls path to the elite level.  Thank you for being a team who does things the right way, on and off the field.

- The many other people who have texted, emailed, and called to check in.  Thank you.

I will be driving the last 10 hours to Austin today.  I am feeling challenged to be better because of all of you.  I can be more kind and more generous because at the end of the day, nothing that was stolen matters more than the good people I have around me.

See you in Texas.

Be Your Best Self

Despite my best intentions, blogging has taken a back seat to the craziness of the spring season and some unfortunate weather.  It seems that 5:30 AM is the only time I can find to write...

A few weeks ago at the Captaining Clinic, we talked a bit about how important it is to be your best self.  This is something that I have struggled with a lot as a leader, and I think it is incredibly important because of its relevance to life outside of ultimate.

A few thoughts:

Know your strengths and weaknesses.
I mentioned this briefly in my last post, and I think it is worth bringing up again.  I can be a better leader if I am honest with myself about what my strengths and weaknesses are.  This allows me to maximize my contributions to the team by ensuring that I am utilizing my strengths.  It also gives me areas to focus on as I train my weaknesses and strive to be a better leader.

Emulate, but don't compare.
Instead of comparing myself to other leaders, I should strive to pick out their best qualities and emulate them.  Be your best YOU.  Great leaders are not clones of each other.  I need to love myself for the things I bring to my team, and appreciate others for the fact that they bring different things to the table.

Surround yourself with good people.
As a leader, I need to have a circle of people I can trust.  I have been fortunate to not only have had amazing co-captains and coaches, but also talented and gracious rivals and friends.  I am who I am and I strive to be better because of these people.

Value yourself.
This might be the hardest part of being your best self.  As a leader, it is natural to take the blame for everything that goes wrong with a team.  We want to be everything for our teams-- solve all of the problems, make everyone happy, win every game, create a successful program.  We can do more of these things when we take time for ourselves and value our own mental, physical, and emotional health at least a tiny bit.

Be your best self... as a player, leader, and person.  :)

Leadership Identity

Preparing for the Southeast Captaining 101 Clinic and meeting individually with a number of college leaders (and spending a lot of time driving by myself) have led to a considerable amount of thinking about leadership.  I am learning a lot from these college players, and I always leave those conversations feeling challenged and inspired to be a better leader myself.

I have a few posts worth of content about some of what I've been learning and reflecting upon, and I'll try to get some thoughts up on the blog over the course of the next week.

At the Captaining Clinics and in these individual meetings, we talk a lot about the need for team identity and the importance of cultivating a unique team culture, setting goals, and developing a plan.  Success doesn't happen by chance.  It requires a plan and intentional movement in a singular direction over the course of many months, or even years.

As team leaders, we need to develop our personal leadership identity alongside cultivating team identity.  Every team is a reflection of its leadership, and strong leadership has goals and a plan the same way a team does.  Similar to how team identity evolves over time, our leadership identity evolves too.  As we face new challenges, and as we grow as players, leaders, and people, our identities evolve (hopefully in a positive direction!).

All of this is a bit nebulous, especially for young leaders, but I think we can ask some key questions to begin defining our personal leadership identity.

First, why do I play this sport?
Our reasons for playing ultimate ground us.  When things get rough, remembering why I play reminds me that all of the struggle is worth it.  When I get discouraged, I go back and read the list I've made.  It usually works wonders.  This list has also helped me to recognize that not everyone plays for the same reasons I do.  That recognition is key to helping me understand what makes my teammates tick, and shaping my approach to putting them in a position to succeed.

Secondly, why do I lead?
For me, articulating why I lead serves as a heart check.  When difficult situations arise and practice planning, emails, and one-on-ones start piling up next to life stuff, reminding myself of why I lead brings joy to the "work."  It also means that I can bring more positive energy to my interactions with my teammates, because ultimately, my reasons for leading are tied to them.

Next, what are my strengths and weaknesses?
Know thyself.  As leaders, we assess our roster for strengths and weaknesses, and develop a strategy based upon our assessment.  Similarly, when we know our own personal strengths and weaknesses, we can put ourselves in a position to be better leaders.  Good players train their weaknesses and maximize their strengths.  Good leaders do the same.

Lastly, what are my goals as a leader?
This John Wooden quote summarizes many of personal goals as a leader:

"Others may have far more ability than you have. They may be larger, faster, quicker, able to jump better, etc. but no one should be your superior in team spirit, loyalty, enthusiasm, cooperation, determination, industriousness, fight, and character. Acquire and keep these traits and success will follow. Define success for those under your leadership as total commitment and effort to the team's welfare."

Outcome goals (e.g. "cultivate a happy team") and process goals (e.g. "be kind in every interaction I have with my teammates") give me direction.  They dictate where I put my time, energy, and effort.  They also give me something to work toward.  Goals allow me to push my boundaries and strive to be my best self.

If you haven't done so already, go out and buy a notebook and answer some of these questions.  Document your journey.  Having it all written down will help guide you along the way, and is an awesome thing to look back on after the season.